Kate Heavey BA (Hons) FdSc BACP (Accredited) - Counselling and Psychotherapy in Ripley near Guildford and Woking in Surrey
The aim of this page is to give you a small insight into how unhealthy ways of relating are created and how it is not your fault if you have learnt these behaviours.
Relationships are everywhere and I have a great interest in, and experience in, working with individuals and couples with relationship issues.
Have you ever thought what your relationship is like with yourself? Do you even have one? Does the very thought of it have you running for the hills? Well one of my core beliefs is that we are all 'ok' and not one of us is perfect.
If you do not have a relationship with yourself how can you have a relationship with another?
Which moves me on to relationships with others....do you find them easy or hard? Can you talk and communicate freely or do you freeze?
Maybe you are stuck in cycles and do not know why. What is important is that you can learn to have a healthy relationship with yourself....and with others...if you are open to learning and change.
Experience informs that you have a desire to understand relationship with yourself and others; through our collaborative relationship I invite you to explore your thoughts, emotions, feelings and fears.
1. Do you wonder why others go through life with no relationship issues yet you find them difficult?
2. Are you looking for the 'happy ever after' constantly disappointed that you never achieve it?
3. At times does life seem unbearable with unfulfilled relationships?
If you answered yes to all three questions then you are not alone.
Would it surprise you to read that the most Googled ‘what is...’ phrase of 2014 was ‘what is love?’ with ‘what is anxiety?’ close behind it at number 6.
One theorist, Eric Berne's, speaks of 'I'm OK, You're OK' and I believe this to be true as there is no such thing as perfection with all humans being fallible (you and me included).
In order to understand the role of relationships in your life today your counselling journey will include looking at how you have learnt to relate to others. It is quite astonishing to know that attachment patterns set in the early years of your life play a significant part in how you emotionally bond and connect with others today. Generally, if you have good relationships, you are what theorist Bowlby called 'securely attached'. However, if you struggle with relationship then you may be what Bowlby terms 'insecurely attached' yet you can learn new more helpful ways of attaching. Being insecurely attached can lead to relationship issues, marriage problems, parenting issues and if you are not feeling good about yourself this can result in anxiety and depression and low self-esteem / low self-confidence.
I would add that attachment is not clear cut and other factors can alter your attachment and emotional bonds with others throughout your life so let this information inform you yet not define you.
What is true is that 'something' is causing you to have relationship issues else you would not be here looking at this page.
In relationships are you able to balance your needs with another? Can you be vulnerable? Love? Feel? Or does the very thought of these words have you shudder and running for cover?
(Brené Brown does an excellent TEDtalks on 'The power of vulnerability' and if you can spare 20 minutes I would thoroughly recommend you Google and view it).
The Times reported on 23 September 2016 "The number of people living in deeply unhappy relationships has doubled in less than five years. More than a million people say they are miserable with their spouse or longterm partner, according to an analysis of official wellbeing figures released by the Office for National Statistics (ONS) yesterday."
(article can be seen at: http://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/unhappily-ever-after-number-of-wretched-unions-doubles-3zzwnbx3z)
The one thing I always hold for my clients is hope. My relationship hope for you is that, through counselling, you move to 'earned secure attachment' where you will feel secure, explorative and happy in your relationship both with yourself and others.
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Telephone / text 07941 305511
In 'How to Be an Adult in Relationships' David Richo states "once we love ourselves, people no longer look good to us unless they are good for us." (2002:85) What a great place to be.
KATE HEAVEY BA (Hons) BACP (Accredited) - COUNSELLOR / PSYCHOTHERAPIST IN RIPLEY NEAR GUILDFORD AND WOKING OFFERING COUNSELLING AND PSYCHOTHERAPY IN SURREY