Kate Heavey BA (Hons) BACP Accredited. Individual counselling and therapy online across the UK and in person in Alfold, Cranleigh, Surrey.
Individual counselling and psychotherapy — for people who are ready to understand themselves differently.
No one starts off in life thinking they will end up in counselling. And yet here you are, which already says something important about you. It says you are self-aware enough to know that something needs to change, and brave enough to consider doing something about it.
You may be here because life feels harder than it should. Not dramatically wrong, perhaps. Just quietly off. A sense that you are going through the motions, that relationships are more difficult than they seem to be for other people, that however hard you try, the same feelings keep coming back.
What you might be experiencing
There are many reasons people come to individual therapy. You might recognise yourself in some of these:
- Feeling low, flat or disconnected
- Continuous anxiousness, worry or a sense of dread
- A sense of not feeling good enough, however much you achieve
- Saying you are fine when you feel far from it
- Struggling in relationships, feeling misunderstood or alone
- Anger, frustration or emotional overwhelm that feels hard to manage
- People pleasing at a cost to your own needs and wellbeing
- Difficulty trusting others or letting people in
- A life event that has shaped something such as bereavement, redundancy, separation, a diagnosis
- Coping strategies that are no longer working, such as alcohol or food
- Feeling you are not living your best life
If this already sounds like you, check my current availability on my home page, and if a weekly slot works for you, get in touch.
Your relationship with yourself
Relationships are everywhere. With partners, family, friends, colleagues. And underneath all of them, the most fundamental relationship of all is the one you have with yourself.
Have you ever considered what that relationship is like? Do you even have one? Does that very thought have you running for the hills? Maybe you are more self-critic than self-nurturance. More frustrated than caring.
No one person is perfect. You may arrive in therapy having spent years being your own harshest critic and we can work on that inner dialogue together.
A reflective question. If you do not have a warm, kind and loving relationship with yourself, how can you fully have one with another?
How your ways of relating were shaped
The relationships you witnessed and experienced in your early years taught you what relationships are. Whether you could trust. Whether people were available to you. Whether you were safe. Whether you were enough.
Those early lessons became your blueprint. And that blueprint tends to follow you into every significant relationship you have as an adult, often without you realising it.
You may notice this showing up as:
- Attracting the same kind of person repeatedly
- Feeling anxious or on edge in relationships even when things seem fine
- Pulling away when someone gets close
- People pleasing at a cost to your own needs
- Struggling to trust even when there is no obvious reason not to
- Feeling over responsible for others
- A deep sense of not being quite enough, and the shame that comes with that
These are not personality flaws. They are learned ways of being in relationship, developed at a time when they made complete sense.
If you would like to explore the earlier roots of these patterns in more depth, my childhood experiences page goes into this further.
Read more about childhood experiences and early life patterns.
Relating to others
I define relationship as any interaction where two or more people connect, whether as a one-off or in a deep and meaningful way. Relationship difficulties are therefore not limited to romantic partnerships. They show up in friendships, family dynamics, work relationships and the way you move through the world.
Do you find relationships easy or hard? Can you communicate freely or do you freeze, flee, fight or fawn? Are you able to be vulnerable? To love? To receive love?
Brené Brown's TED Talk on the power of vulnerability is one of the most watched talks of all time for a reason. If you have twenty minutes, it is worth your time.
Watch it here: The Power of Vulnerability, Brené Brown.
In it Brené describes vulnerability as the courage and bravery to show up. And you are both, to be here. Vulnerability is not weakness.
What therapy offers
Through our work together, I invite you to explore your thoughts, feelings, fears and patterns in a space that is honest, without judgement and safe.
We look at how you learned to relate, why those patterns made sense at the time, and how they may be keeping you stuck today.
I sit alongside you as a fellow fallible human being. I am not a blank screen. I bring warmth, openness and a willingness to be real, so you know you are not alone in whatever you are carrying.
As I often say to clients — you are absolutely good enough. You know this because you are still here. And we can work together towards you actually believing that.
We get injured in relationship and we heal in relationship.
Cost
Individual - first session complimentary, then £65 per 60 minute session
Couple - first session £50 (includes pre-assessment), then £85 per 60 minute session
Reduced daytime rates are available for individuals (£60) and couples (£80). Please mention this when you get in touch.
I am a recognised therapist for Bupa, Aviva, AXA, WPA and Vitality Health employee assistance programmes.
Find out more about costs and frequently asked questions.
Contact
Please click here to contact me directly.
Email: harmoniouscounselling@gmail.com
Telephone 07941 305511
My answering machine is confidential.
Please note:- If your number is not familiar, and you do not leave a message, I will not call you back as I am unaware of your personal circumstances.
Text / WhatsApp 07941 305511
Closing thought
Esther Perel suggests "Tell me how you were loved and I will tell you how you make love".
If we couple this with Carl Jung's "I am not what happened to me. I am what I choose to become" then relationship becomes about learning how you were loved, and the freedom to make different choices.
What will you choose today?
